--------------------------------Calgary 1-----------------------------------
Fear.
If there was one word in the english vocabulary that could explain how I feel about everything in my life right now that would be it. Though of cource theres alot more words that go into how I feel that one comes up the most. Being in Calgary is stressful enough seeing as theres so much in Kelowna that I am supposed to be doing right now without the added worry that I may not be able to go home. I feel like I have completely let people down I can't believe my family did this to me. My sister in particular doesn't quite understand that my whole entire life is based in Kelowna everything I care about and everything I need to stay grounded is in that lovely city. She thinks it would be so easy just to move to Calgary. Its funny though because I recall her being my age and my mom bringing up what it would be like to move to Calgary and my sister just freaking at the thought without suggestion. She would have never been able to leave and I have more commitments and a life back there then she ever did yet she thinks it wouldn't make a difference in my life. Now shes got my mom into thinking its the best idea ever. Thats what scares me because unfortunatly all of my life decisions get to be conformed by her and she gets the final say in if we move. If I have to move here I don't know what is going to happen to me. The thought of who I could turn into scares me the most. I mean I doubt I would but theres always that possibilty without the things that keep you grounded right? What if I don't get as connected to a church as I am in Kelowna? What if I get in with the wrong group of kids at a new school and they influence me to do bad things? What if I go completely insane because I wouldn't be able to handle it? The people I have in Kelowna are more of a family to me than any of these people they care about me and I trust them more then anything, the people here though its like were from two different planets. Whatever happens happens and basically right now my control is 0%.
posted by MissBelanger at 9:58 PM
2 Comments:
My Darling Sarah,
How we missed you on Sunday! Someone commented, and we all agreed, that it just didn't feel the same without you there!!!
Not surprisingly you are mixed with lots of unrest in your heart. I want to remind you of a couple of verses from God to you...
"I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out-plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for. 'When you call on me, when you come and pray to me, I'll listen. When you come looking for me, you'll find me. Yes, when you get serious about finding me and want it more than anything else, I'll make sure you won't be disappointed.'" Jeremiah 29:11-14(The Message Bible)
I would encourage you to use your fear of turning into something you don't want to be, to guard your heart and your actions so that you don't. We can use our fears for something positive to keep us from doing those things by praying more, seeking God more (getting closer to him), and pressing on along the path He is directing you, to be His daughter, a daughter of the KING... Sarah.
It is soooo hard to let God be in control when we'd much rather have the control. Thankfully He is GOD and we aren't 'cause I think if we did what we thought was right or better all the time we would miss out on so many blessings God has for us.
We, I, love you Sarah and we can't wait till you come home again. Until we hear differently this is what we will believing and praying for!
Much love and hugs,
Susanne
11:18 AM
Sarah,
Susanne's said it all. We miss you very much, but at the same time we want the best for you, which would be Gods plan. NO doubt, life sucks sometimes when God does things we dont understand or want, but here's my promise, As long as you follow his path, it WILL work out. Even better than you could ever think it could. Instead of being afraid and spending all your time putting up guards, try and spend time praying and finding out why God wants you in Calgary, or what he wants you to learn. We're all praying for you, and as your family, we're here for you.
Love your big Brother. Dan
6:05 PM
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