Sometimes its really painful, life. With the blink of an eye, everything as you know it could be turned upside down, and it may have been like that for awhile you just didn't notice. You think you've got everything under control, then you realize you've lost it all. Somehow you have strayed from your path and you can't seem to find your way home again. Then again maybe you never were home to begin with. Some people make it look like living is the easiest thing ever, yet I try so hard yet its still suffocating me. Everyone says find out who you are, what if you have yet that person is not someone you want to be! I'm sick of these little voices in my head saying "you have to be this" or "you can't do this" its so overwhelming being a teenager and a christian. I have broken the rules many times and I feel so horrible, yet I still break them and I don't realize what I am doing until after its done. Time goes by so fast that I don't even have time to think about whats going on until afterwards. I lose sleep because of all the pressure and I dread looking in the mirror, not just because I think I'm ugly, also because then I'm reminded thats who I am. That girl who lives almost a double life. I guess there was never such thing as normal, for me at least.